How the Spiritual But Not Religious Create Meaning.
When I posted my ‘Who are the SBNRs’ post on Reddit, it generated some heated discussion. Criticism of SBNR rituals was included, and some people got rather angry (the ALL-CAPS crew arrived).
Some of the more enlightening exchanges prompted me to think about ritual in more depth.
I don’t mean the cathedral-based, incense-swinging or hymn-singing kind, but more personal rituals. The quiet acts that form part of our days and give meaning to our personal transitions.
It’s intriguing how the need for ritual hasn’t disappeared even as more people step away from organised religion. In fact, it might be more needed than ever.
We humans are story-driven creatures. We like to mark occasions, events, and transitions in our lives. We celebrate births, mourn deaths, and reflect on changes. Religion has historically provided the framework for these moments, but the ‘spiritual but not religious’ (SBNRs), a growing movement of people, are carving out their own sacred spaces, even without subscribing to a particular tradition. Latest research suggests that 22% of Americans identify as SBNR.
So what happens to ritual when there’s no church, temple, or formal theology for direction? No, ‘this is what we do on a Sunday at 10 am’.
Creating Sacred Space in Everyday Life
For some, a morning routine is just about getting caffeinated and out the door. But for others, it becomes something more purposeful: a few quiet minutes of meditation, journaling, and setting an intention for the day.
Even making coffee or lighting a candle can feel like a grounding ritual when approached with care and mindfulness. One person I spoke to described her habit of sitting at the same window each morning with a hot drink and writing a single sentence that captures her feelings. It’s not religious, but it’s still ritualistic, and it matters to her as a precious and sacrosanct moment. It is too important to be taken away.
These kinds of practices, secular yet sacred, are cropping up all over, some more apparent than others.
One of the most beautiful community-based examples I’ve encountered is the rise of moon circles. Usually held around the full or new moon, these gatherings often bring together women (although not exclusively) to reflect, journal, meditate, or share stories.
There’s often a sense of connecting to nature’s rhythms, even if the participants don’t follow any specific spiritual cosmology. For some, it’s about releasing old energy and welcoming in something new. For others, it’s just a moment of collective pause.
Another example I’ve observed is the concept of the digital altar. This is a modern twist on an ancient idea. People build small, symbolic spaces on their phones or computers: a collection of saved images, quotes, or sounds that help them reconnect with what matters. These can be surprisingly effective, especially for those whose spiritual connection is more internal than external. And while it might seem ironic to honour the sacred through a screen, for many, this is where modern life is lived, so why not make it meaningful?
A recent exchange with someone who took a hardline stance on what “real” spirituality is reminded me that one of the defining features of the SBNR movement is its rejection of exclusivity. Instead of saying “this is the only way,” many are asking, “what resonates with me?” That question opens space for creativity, difference, and the kind of ritual-making that’s grounded in lived experience rather than imposed belief
One area that came up increasingly in my research was the subject of Astrology. way beyond the pop-culture kind, many SBNRs are turning to the stars to help them better understand themselves. This might involve full-moon journalling, using crystals or candles associated with zodiac signs for meditation.
Marking Life’s Thresholds Without Religion
What about the more significant moments, such as births, deaths, marriages, or identity shifts? Historically, these were marked by religious rites: baptisms, funerals, weddings and other tradition-specific ceremonies.
SBNRs might still technically observe these, such as attending weddings or funerals, but these rituals might not mean the same as they once did when they no longer hold the same beliefs.
So, what might SBNRs do to find meaning if they’ve left those traditions behind?
Some people create burning rituals to mark turning points. Writing down something they want to let go of and then setting it alight (safely!). It’s simple but potent. There’s something primal about fire, and for many people, watching it transform paper into smoke feels symbolic, even cathartic and healing. Others turn to nature, bury old objects, walk a new path, or swim in cold water to welcome change.
These acts might seem small, even improvised, but they often carry deep emotional weight. They’re part of what sociologists call the “sacralisation of the inner self”, where meaning isn’t handed down by tradition but composed from within.
The Power and Limits of DIY Spirituality
Something is empowering about all this. When you’re no longer bound by dogma and people telling you what you must believe, you can create your own spiritual practice. You can draw from different traditions, listen to your intuition, and honour what resonates with you. It’s flexible, imaginative, and often inclusive.
It’s not always straightforward. For many, sometimes DIY spirituality can feel lonely and confusing. It’s easy to drift without a community, shared language or someone telling you what to do. And while self-created rituals can be moving, they don’t always carry the depth and resonance of something ancient, something tested by generations.
There’s also the risk of getting stuck in a self-help loop, where every practice is about personal optimisation, and the larger communal or ethical dimensions fall away.
Still, there’s enormous value in what SBNRs are doing. They’re not discarding the sacred; they’re reimagining it on their own terms. That’s a quietly radical act in a world that increasingly feels disenchanted and disconnected. Organised religion is not the only way to find meaning, peace and community.
The reality is, people do leave religion, and when they do, something must take its place.
Psychotherapist Rebecca J Lester, PhD, states,
“We are not built to live in isolation, with life and time unmarked. We are not built to live in liminality.”
Rituals are necessary to move our lives from one state of being to another.
The movement does have its downsides, such as the commodification of spirituality, which I will address in a different post, but overall, it brings meaning and happiness to an increasing number of people.
Final Thoughts
Rituals don’t have to come from a religious institution to be real. They don’t need robes or rituals passed down for centuries. What matters to the SBNRs is intention. Meaning. Connection. Finding your own inner peace in your own way.
So, whether it’s a moon circle or a morning cup of coffee, journaling, lighting a zodiac candle, or building a digital altar, if it helps you feel grounded, connected, and alive, that’s a ritual. It is sacred to you.
There is much religious flux and spiritual experimentation in the world, and I suspect we’ll continue to see more people crafting these secular-sacred moments.
Perhaps that’s one way we find our way back to each other. One small, mindful ritual at a time.
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